


comparison is the thief of joy

by deemohn



Category: All Elite Wrestling, Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Relationship(s), Recovery, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:27:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29728311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deemohn/pseuds/deemohn
Summary: Chuck agrees to catch up with Drew over drinks while they're both respectively working through some brain stuff.Set in April 2019, sometime after Wrestlemania weekend.
Relationships: Drew Gulak/Tony Nese | Maverick (past), Trent Barreta/Chuck Taylor
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	comparison is the thief of joy

**Author's Note:**

> quick note: this is mostly about coping with mental illness and recovery after a psychological breakdown, written by someone that's had more than their fair share of those. 
> 
> alt title was 'sucks to suck'

Oh, of course Gulak was already waiting for him at the bar. Chuck shook his head.

Despite living in the same city, it’d been some time since they’d met up like this. The past year had particularly been tough to carve out a date, what with Chuck finally in Ring of Honor and bouncing over to New Japan; coupled with The Fed’s seemingly never ending tour cycle, they’d both been much too exhausted to make anything stick. 

Then a few days back, Drew had been really insistent on meeting up, and Chuck had a sneaking suspicion why. He didn’t exactly have any excuse not to, aside from not having the energy to deal with the inevitable baggage. Trent said that was reason enough to not go, and Chuck considered that option for longer than a minute. 

Ultimately, he ended up agreeing to get drinks. Drew was his friend, and he was obviously going through some shit, even if he wouldn’t fess up to it. Seeing your ex move on and gain tremendous success had to suck pretty bad. That’s what Chuck had told Trent, and Trent said that he understood. He also told Chuck that he was proud of him for even taking his own health into account, and reminded him that if it was too much, he could always leave. It would be OK. 

_You have to focus on stuff like that when you’re in recovery_ , Trent had said. That word had been thrown around a lot since they’d gotten back from Japan. At first, it made Chuck feel brittle and small, like he didn’t have the right to use it because that was a word for addicts and people with real problems. It never really felt like it was appropriate to use just because his brain decided one day that it couldn’t handle stress. 

It was also scary because the other side of the coin was ‘relapse’. The very thought of that made his stomach turn. 

Gulak finally spotted Chuck and waved him over. They smiled, clapped one another on the back, did the usual ‘how’ve you been’. Drew said that this was on him, another incentive to get together, and Chuck took advantage by ordering some top-shelf scotch. 

This time was different. Not necessarily bad, but different nevertheless. Chuck got to expand a bit on his contract with AEW, and changed the topic when Drew asked about Japan. It was still a little raw, and he still hadn’t let himself process a lot of it. He’d expected some kind of...lecture? Stern discussion? Arrogant remark? from Drew. That’s usually what these things turned into: speculations and self-deprecation from Chuck, and humble brags and pseudo-straight talk attempts from Dad Gulak. Even though Drew was a year younger than him. 

But Drew didn’t do any of that this time, just remarked that it was good to hear Chuck was doing well, and Chuck managed to fight the urge to make a disparaging comment about himself. That was also part of recovery, at least from what Trent had told him. 

And as the drinks kept coming and Drew started to vent about his co-workers, Chuck wondered why Drew didn’t use this as an opportunity to do the whole lame dad thing. Was it out of pity? Did people feel bad that his brain gave out like it did, in front of everyone? Poor Chuckie T., really screwed the pooch in the Tag League, just gave away all of the points because he couldn’t keep his shit together. 

Or maybe it was because Gulak went through something similar about a little over a year ago. That was why they were doing this, wasn’t it? Because they were friends and they tried to have an annual catch up session, but also probably because both of their brains recently went all fucky, and that was another common thread they shared. And because Nese got the title a few days back, but that was presumably part of the whole ‘fucky brain’ thing. 

And Drew didn’t exactly say Tony’s name in his grumblings, but the insinuation was there all the same. The division needed a better leader, better direction. Chuck nodded along dumbly, letting Drew get whatever it was that he needed to get off of his chest, even if it was in a roundabout way. Even if he wouldn’t admit shame and failure and humility. He rarely ever did. 

A part of Chuck wanted to ask if Drew had ever apologized for what he did. Maybe if he had a few more drinks in him, he would have. Maybe he would have been brave enough to be an actual good friend just once, point out all the hard lines and sharp edges that Drew had accumulated over the past year. It would have probably been justified, in a way, since Chuck had been on the receiving end of unsolicited analysis from various people. Especially from Drew. 

But he didn’t. They talked about the Sixers, instead. Normalcy. Common ground. Two friends that had a rough go of the past year. Did Drew think of himself as being in recovery? Was Chuck supposed to bring that up? 

Eventually, Drew asked how Trent was. Chuck said that he was doing great; that the both of them were doing great, actually. It wasn’t until the words were out of his mouth that it dawned on him how this was the exact potential mess he’d been hoping to avoid. Drew stared down at his glass with a look on his face like he was mustering courage to ask the obvious. Chuck wasn’t interested in confirming that yes, Trent and Tony were still friends and kept in touch on a regular basis; instead, he intervened before the question arose, and asked if Drew was OK. 

Drew closed his eyes, smiled, and gave a small shake of his head. The follow up question about wanting to talk about it was declined. Chuck understood and dropped it, only saying that he was there if Drew changed his mind. 

A memory resurfaced from years ago, some time after Drew and Tony had first gotten together. Drew had cracked a joke about Chuck never being able to commit to anyone after Chuck had made a comment about how gross their PDA was. He tried to laugh it off, but Trent was there, too. And, well. Chuck hadn’t yet built up the confidence to bring up his feelings to him, and he still didn’t know if that had ultimately caused further delay. 

Except. That wasn’t anyone’s fault, though. A needle of irritation burrowed under his skin, but he let it go. He was still working on stuff. Still learning to deflect less. Still learning to handle accountability. Normal human stuff. Normal friend stuff. 

He glanced at his phone to check the time, and saw a text from Trent that simply contained a heart emoji. Then he looked back up and asked the bartender if the kitchen was still open, and if he could get a food menu. Earlier, Trent had requested that Chuck bring him back a doggy bag with leftovers, but Chuck had said that they’d just be drinking. 

There wasn’t a huge selection, but he picked out a few appetizers that Trent would like and got them to go. 

As he and Drew finally got ready to head their separate ways, they shared the briefest hug out on the sidewalk. Drew grinned and said that they shouldn’t wait so long to do this again. Chuck reiterated that if Drew ever needed an ear, he was there; whether or not the offer would be accepted was yet to be seen. Maybe never. That was fine. 

The walk home gave him a chance to decompress and calm down the brain static that had occasionally spiked over the course of the evening. He’d survived. He’d made minimal jokes at his own expense. There’d be a time and place for those later, but for now he was making an honest effort because Trent had asked him to. 

He let himself think about Japan for just a moment, and what he’d done. Trent had said to not worry about it, because he wasn’t well. _You can’t control the symptoms when you don't know that you're sick,_ or something to that effect, anyway. That was why identification and treatment were so important, because then you could start to recover. 

How easy would it have been to keep sliding, if he hadn’t gotten support? To spiral into absolute nothingness. Everyone had made comments about how Trent should have left him, and god, realistically he should have. He would have been right to do that, just like how Tony left Drew. 

Chuck exhaled and let the thought go. He wondered if Drew was also dealing with the static, then decided not to dwell on it too much. 

When he got back to the apartment, the lights were still on, but Trent wasn’t anywhere downstairs. He rolled his eyes and brought the food with him up the stairs and into the bedroom, where, as suspected he found the object of his affection. Unsurprisingly, the ‘no dogs in the bed’ rule was violated as he spotted both Walter and Bo snuggled up with him. The takeout containers were placed on the nightstand, and as he crawled under the covers, Trent began to stir. 

”I love you,” Chuck whispered as he held onto Trent tightly. 

”Love you, too,” Trent yawned, giving a tired smile. The smile widened further when Chuck handed over the food, and Trent marveled over his fortune for being the recipient of last second decision chicken tenders. 

Chuck didn’t talk about his night, and Trent didn’t push for details other than if he was doing alright. He confirmed that he was, and it wasn’t a lie. 

For years, Chuck had spent his career feeling like he’d been left behind and that he was wasting away. He spent forever wanting what his peers had, and when he finally, finally felt like he’d caught up, he blew it. He thought he’d lost everything when he lost his mind. 

Yet, there was Trent the whole time, with open arms and love and acceptance. 

And Chuck realized that, as he came to and accepted the shattered pieces that Trent had started to gather for him, he didn’t actually care anymore about what everyone else had. Not when he had something -someone- so much better. 

While Trent scarfed down what was his second dinner, Chuck laid back and allowed himself to succumb to exhaustion. In between bites, Trent placed a kiss on his forehead, and Chuck could feel something utterly foreign take root in his chest for the first time in maybe his entire life: contentedness.

**Author's Note:**

> man I love Gulak, but he ruined Team PowerPoint so I'ma ruin him


End file.
